Cell Block Tango
by auroraraye
Summary: What if the X-Girls acted upon their psychotic urges?


DISCLAIMER: The characters you're about to read are all owned by Marvel Comics. The Broadway play-turned-movie is owned by Miramax. The Japanese contained in this fic was extracted from an online translator, so it might be completely wrong. (It's not at all what Hunyak said, b/c I couldn't find a Hungarian translator.)  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you haven't seen Chicago, go now. It rocks! Nothing like eight psychotic bitches belting their hearts out and dancing provocatively to create a very pro-feminism film, with great choreography and direction. Yeah. There's my ten-second commercial, so, seriously go see it.  
  
[Announcer] And now the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of the "Cell Block Tango."  
  
{bridge}  
  
[Kitty] Bamf  
  
[Domino] Six  
  
[Jean] Squish  
  
[Betsy] Uh-uh  
  
[Ororo] M.E.  
  
[Rogue] LeBeau  
  
{chorus}  
  
He had it coming  
  
He had it coming  
  
He only had himself to blame  
  
If you'd have been there  
  
If you'd have seen it,  
  
[Ororo] I betcha you would have done the same!  
  
{bridge}  
  
[Kitty] You know how people have these little habits that get you down. Like Kurt. Kurt liked to teleport. No, not teleport. BAMF. Well, I came home this one day and I am really irritated, and looking for a little sympathy. And there's Kurt layin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer, and teleportin'. No, not teleportin'. Bamfin'. So, I said to him, I said, "Kurt, you bamf one more time..." And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots...right into his head!  
  
{chorus}  
  
[Domino] I met Nathan Summers in an alternate reality, about twenty years in the future, and he told me he was single. And we hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd mix him a drink, we'd have dinner. Well, it was like heaven in two and a half rooms. And then I found out. "Single" he told me? Single, my ass. Not only was he married...oh, no, he had six wives. One of those time- travelers, you know. So that night, when he came home, I mixed him his drink as usual. You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic!  
  
{chorus}  
  
[all]  
  
Hah! He had it coming  
  
He had it coming  
  
He took a flower  
  
In its prime  
  
And then he used it  
  
And he abused it  
  
It was a murder  
  
But not a crime!  
  
[Jean] Now, I'm standing in the kitchen, carvin' up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business, and in storms my husband, Scott, in a jealous rage. "You been screwin' Wolverien," he says. He was crazy, and he kept screamin', "You been screwin Wolverine." And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times!  
  
{bridge}  
  
{chorus}  
  
[Betsy]   
  
[all] Yeah, but did you do it?  
  
[Betsy] Uh-uh; not guilty!  
  
[Ororo] My archenemy, Mystique and I lived parallel lives, except that I had my fiancé, Forge, who she desperately lusted for. Now, in our last duel, we did these 20 acrobatic four, five...splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other. Well, this one night Forge and I were in M.E., the two of us, sittin' up in a hotel room, boozin' and havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice. So I went out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there's Mystique and Forge, doing Number Seventeen-the spread eagle.  
  
{chorus}  
  
[Ororo] Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.  
  
{chorus}  
  
[Rogue] I loved Remy LeBeau more than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic guy...sensitive... a poet. But he was troubled. He was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night, looking for himself, and on the way, he found Belladonna, Genevieve Darceneaux, Candra and Lila Cheney. I guess you can say we broke up because or artistic differences: he saw himself as alive, and I saw him dead!  
  
[all] The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!  
  
{chorus}  
  
[Kitty] You bamf one more time...  
  
[Domino] Single my ass.  
  
[Jean] Ten times!  
  
[Betsy] ?????  
  
[Ororo] Number seventeen-the spread eagle.  
  
[Rogue] Artistic differences.  
  
[all] I betcha you would have done the same!  
  
THE END 


End file.
